The Rose in the Stone
by Narya's Bane
Summary: Kasha Aeducan had no way to be prepared for the year that changed her life- nobody could. She knew the stone and the sword, but love is a colder, harder lesson by far.
1. Sword

So...

It was brought to my attention that with all the writing for Dragon Age I have done, I've never really touched my cannon characters. Odd, but I was always a bit afraid it would come across... wrong, or repetitive of the game. I have been informed after a short test piece that this is not the case, so... I'll give it a try.

Reviews appreciated!

\- 0 - 0 - 0 - 0 -

The sound of her name in the halls and corridors of the underground caverns rang in Kasha Aeducan's ears over and over again. The crowd chanting her surname to the stone, verifying that she ha brought her family praise- then, only a day later, the same voices speaking the same but saying she brought shame. The memory brought tears to her eyes, tears that fell on the dirt below- tears as a sacrifice to the stone. Tears were all she had left to offer her ancestors, but those she had in abundance.

Kasha Aeducan, but Aeducan no longer, forced her steps behind the Warden Commander of Fereldan. Duncan's presence eased her fears as much as she believed any one person could. He may not understand in any significant way, but he had obviously dealt with shell-shocked recruits before now. Behind the commander, Kasha felt her feet move almost automatically in rhythm with his. Her heartache didn't dull, but it did scream quieter with Duncan before her.

It was on the second night of their trek across the land to meet Cailan's army that Duncan approached the dwarven woman. As usual, she had escaped to her tent as early as possible, the act of looking up at the sky the others found so restful feeling dizzyingly uncomfortable to her. She always felt as though she would fall upwards, crazy as the sensation sounded to anyone else. She was slightly surprised to hear the wrestling of her door and then see Duncan's face smiling at her.

"Miss Aeducan," he greeted, and for a moment she almost felt angry at the reminder, "may I come in?"

"I'm not Aeducan. Not..." Her voice wavered, her eyes falling to the ground as she practically whispered the ending. "Not anymore."

"Ridiculous." Duncan shrugged and held a hand out to rest on her shoulder. "I have seen rulers fall out of favor before now, young Kasha. I'm sure this will not be the last time either. Being cast out does not make you any less noble, nor does it change where you came from." With that, Duncan reached into his small bag and pulled out a small mirror, likely used as part of a shaving kit. He held it up to her face and let her look. "You are very little changed, Aeducan."

Kasha Aeducan looked at her reflection. It was indeed the same she had seen last week, from her thick black hair to the shimmering blue eyes, and even the near porcelain complexion of her face. Her brother had wanted to mark her as casteless, but brevity and urgency had taken over- besides, what did it matter in the face of certain death? It was a technicality, but to her an important one.

"You're right," Kasha admitted. It didn't make her feel much better, but the realization did help. "I am still myself. I still have the same skills I did before." She smiled widely and met his eyes. "I'm particularly good at killing darkspawn."

"That is a part of why I welcomed you," the Warden Commander confided. "The other was your demeanor."

"Demeanor?"

"I see something in you, Kasha. Your men saw it too- all spoke very highly of you. You have a natural talent to command." Quieter, he confessed, "When I went out this time, it wasn't to find just another Warden. I am older now, close to my end. I would leave an able commander behind me."

Kasha blinked. "You can't be suggesting..."

"I believe you could be the strongest Commander of this new age given the right opportunity. And training." Duncan moved to leave the tent again, turning his back. "We will talk of this more once you are through the Joining and we have assisted the king in this first skirmish of the new blight. My goal is that I can hand the reins to you once we have found and slew the archdemon."

Kasha nodded, understanding the priority to manage this initial battle. One meeting of enemies at a time. "As you wish, commander."

Kasha had no idea at that time just how much that discussion would haunt both her waking and sleeping moments from then until the day she died.


	2. Shield

Alistair's first impression of the dwarven fighter was not particularly favorable. She seemed a little flighty, refused to look up as much as possible, and moved about as though she was in a dream. At first he almost would have believed her the first dwarf mage but for the sword on her belt and the shield on her back; both pieces of equipment were damaged and old, to the point he pitied the blade, since she seemed unable to take care of it.

The impression didn't last beyond the first time he saw her in action. Once in battle she was a singular spirit, her mind and body seemingly immune to harm. Her sword was an extension of her arm, practically her own limb, and as soon as possible she left the rusted blade at her side behind for something of better make with a relieved sigh. She had the skill of a born warrior forged by years of training, and Alistair was loathe to admit her skill eclipsed his.

This dwarf, this Aeducan, even seemed to be have something of a natural sense of darkspawn! Really, with someone like this, who needed Wardens? Not that she was perfect. For example, Aeducan was easily distracted by the flowers and greenery, and even the fact that the sun was shining. But that was outside of the battlefield; when fighting, he grew used to wanting her at his side very quickly.

That night, Kasha Aeducan took the chance to investigate the campsite. Duncan smiled when she did, seeming relieved by her actions and gesturing Alistair to sit by his side for a moment as they prepared the Joining ritual.

"So," Duncan asked in a hushed tone, "Any of them you are particularly satisfied with?" Alistair balked a bit at the question but his eyes darted to the dwarf's tent unbidden. Duncan just nodded. "Dwarves tend to be a bit hardier than most. I've always had a higher success rate when I recruit from the Children of Stone," he confided.

Alistair tried not to sound relieved by the thought. "Is that so?"

The older Warden just nodded and chuckled. "You'd follow her anywhere already, wouldn't you?"

Alistair almost protested, but couldn't deny the feeling completely. "I wouldn't say no to being on her squad," he admitted. "Why?"

Duncan took a deep breath. "No reason. There are no guarantees of course- but I do believe she at least will survive the ritual."

An hour later Duncan's words were proven true. Alistair couldn't imagine being more pleased to welcome a new recruit than he was in that moment, and when Kasha immediately gathered herself to the job at hand Alistair knew even more that she had been sent to them for a reason.


	3. Tower

Battle made sense. Swords made sense, and shields made sense. These darkspawn may not make sense, but at least it was a familiar chaos that Kasha could handle with her usual solution of killing them. Not everything had such an apt solution.

Cailan made her nervous. Loghain was a man with a head on his shoulders and his feet firmly planted in the stone (he'd actually make an excellent dwarf in Kasha's opinion), and it was in the general she put her trust. Light the beacon, signal the forces. Light the beacon, signal the forces. Kasha repeated the mantra in her head over and over as she fought her way up the tower, her heart pounding in exhilaration.

Darkspawn she knew. Swords she could handle...

Alistair she could trust.

The blonde warrior was at her side each strike, every blow. When an enemy struck her shield, it soon met its death at his sword- and vice versa. They had worked together only a day and their motions had edited to complement each other, her low guard taking precedence in much the same way as his high guard covered them both. When they did split, it was in a flurried frenzy that was effortlessly complemented. It felt like working with Gorim again- or at least he was the only other fighter her work had melded with in this way before now.

The ogre put a kink in their plans. Kasha felt her muscles scream at hacking away at the giant creature, yet at the same time adrenaline took over and she could hardly have felt more alive. As it weakened, she forced strength into her limbs and leapt up to hit it on the softest spots. She couldn't help the grin, the sense of accomplishment as she felled her opponent and turned to Alistair. His goofy grin probably matched her own.

It was when the beacons were finally lit that Kasha Aeducan realized the problem. She looked down at the battlefield and felt her heart drop into her gut as Loghain's forces pulled away instead of charging.

"Why?" she whispered lightly, backing away.

Alistair came up beside, his eye less trained to note the pattern. That or he simply did not want to see it. "What is he doing?" Alistair asked, torn between confusion and disbelief.

There was little time to reflect before the next wave attacked and Aeducan was wholly concentrated again, her mind reeling over the final of the three Warden proverbs. She was determined to take out as many of these... things... as possible, and hoped the ancestors and the stone would see her courage here as well as the truth of her actions prior. There was some strange comfort that Alistair was at her side, that she met her end with a friend.


	4. Choices

Whether it was old prejudices or new experiences, Alistair couldn't bring himself to trust the witches in the wilds. He had woken up hours before beside the new dwarven recruit only to learn that they were the last Wardens alive in Fereldan. It was a daunting realization. Worse, he knew that of everything that had been said, at least that was true. He had seen it with his own eyes and was not willing to deny it anymore. The life he had known was gone, eliminated by one of the greatest heroes of recent history. He wanted to be sick, but he couldn't.

The dwarf- and he presumed it was only right to call her by name now, refer to her as Kasha Aeducan- had yet to wake, but both Morrigan and her mother had assured him that she would presently. He hoped they were being honest about that much. He wanted, needed, not to be alone here. He desperately needed her to be alright.

Duncan had asked if Alistair would follow Aeducan. The former Templar trainee had been hesitant to answer and barely replied, but found himself forced to decide now. When she was up and about, Alistair would have to know how he planned to react to her...

Kasha had a strength about her that he would never have expected. The moments of childlike wonder were directed at simple things, new experiences from being on the surface. He also recognized an internal battle, but that he was used to; most who came to the Wardens had a peppered past. He expected she was much the same.

"That's that then," Alistair whispered to himself. He couldn't trust the witches, or this wild land. He could no longer trust in the armies of the land...

But he could trust his fellow Warden.

He could trust Kasha.

The moment of truth was passed, and Alistair KNEW he would follow her anywhere she would lead. Whether she liked it or not.


	5. Rain

Kasha was keenly aware that her companions were staring at her the first night after leaving Lothering. Not that the fact they were watching her was anything new in the slightest. All of them had been staring, mostly glaring expectantly and expecting her to decide their route- their fates. Really, everyone watching her and presuming she was some hero sent to guide them was getting old after barely a day. Only the mabari didn't annoy her; Baxter was a good dog, sweet to a fault, and wanted nothing more from her than to have his ears scratched.

These gazes were not the same however, and Kasha was almost amused by the change. She would have found the reactions funny if she wasn't already laughing. Wynne was smiling while shaking her head, Sten was grumbling as he turned his back. Leliana pretended she wasn't watching, but her eyes kept darting, while Morrigan rolled her eyes and huffed but didn't turn away. Kasha couldn't help it. She was inexplicably thrilled.

The whole thing started when drops of water started coming from the sky. Of course Kasha knew what it was, but hearing about rain and really, truly experiencing it were two completely different things. Her mouth had opened in shock as her eyes went skyward to see the big fat clouds, and for once she actually felt anchored to the ground. The heavy cover was just a bit higher than the largest caverns after all... but the water falling from them was the most magical part. She saw Alistair curse slightly and start to remove the metal armor, and took the hint that she should do the same as lightening arced across the sky. Then, in just her thick clothing, she had taken off and started to play in the rain- jumping in puddles, raising her head up for a quick wetting of her lips, giggling. Her mabari pranced beside her, stopping and starting as they made their way to a safe campsite.

"The way you carry on," Alistair finally reacted with an amused tone, "one might get the idea that you've never seen rain before."

Kasha stopped in the rain, the weather having soaked her a bit, and grinned back. "You assume I have?" she challenged.

"Everyone knows rain," Alistair pointed out. "Didn't you jump in puddles as a kid?"

Kasha paused as she considered just how little she knew of him, and how little he obviously knew of her. A warm hear hit her cheeks as they colored, realizing the misunderstanding. "I'm not from the surface," she explained. "I was born to the stone."

Alistair seemed to compute that quickly. "So the whole grab every green plant thing is because you aren't familiar with them?"

"Right." Kasha chuckled and looked up again. "With the sky like this, it's almost like being back..." She paused. She had almost said home, but that was no longer right. She was an outcast now, a surfacer. She took a deep breath and gulped before choosing, "...in my father's halls."

"So your father was what? Some kind of noble?"

Kasha snickered. "Something like that."

"Only child?" Aeducan felt her heart constrict and opened her mouth, but something in her eyes must have been a warning because Alistair suddenly pulled back from where he had fallen in step beside her and offered, "I'm sorry. Forget it."

"It's alright," Kasha tried to say, but it felt hurtful and hollow. She didn't offer more information then, and he didn't ask the question again for now.

"I used to be a champion puddle jumper," Alistair confided. "Natural little frog some of the other kids said."

"Really?"

"Can't look dignified if we're having fun, can we?" With that he took off with a nearly unnatural speed, hitting the puddles as he went.

"Oh no you don't," Kasha murmured, chasing after.

In the end the two wound up falling into a particularly large puddle together, neither sure which had lost their footing and which had tumbled after. They were soaked and muddy when the others found them laughing hysterically at nothing but their own antics on the rain-soaked ground. The mabari jumped in and rolled in the mud alongside his mistress, cheerfully barking into the darkening grey sky.

Whatever changed in that moment between the warriors, it stuck. Even Morrigam could only give a half-teasing smile, and never mocked them for the display.


	6. Magic

Kasha knew very well how little she knew about the world above the surface, and most especially magic. Mages were a true mystery to her, so very against everything she had learned and held as familiar. Lyrium was the one piece of the puzzle she understood well, even better than Alistair or even Wynne for all their experience with the substance. Kasha was able to gather lyrium potions without fear of the breaking glass, unlike the others in her group. She alone was immune to the poisonous and addictive qualities of the blue liquid that coursed through stones.

What eluded the dwarf was the very range of magic and the users thereof. For her primary example Kasha Aeducan stayed up some nights trying to figure out why Alistair was so wary of Morrigan but trusted Wynne implicitly as if she was his own mother. It wasn't the Witch's fault she was raised by a creepy woman. Talking with the two mages only served to confuse the issue more.

Kasha was curious. She needed to know.

The need to learn about mages led her to Kinloch Hold as the first destination along the route of recruitment. To say she was immediately displeased with the choice was an overstatement. On the other hand...

"So... umm... are you alright?"

Kasha looked up from the fire, breaking her train of thought as she met Alistair's eyes briefly. She turned back almost immediately, simply stating, "Dwarves don't belong in the Fade." Forcing herself to repress a shudder, she added, "I'm not even sure we belong above ground."

"Please don't say that." The other warrior's dropped to the serious tone reserved for special conversations. He covered it quickly by sitting beside her and flipping back to his usual jovial self as he added, "After all, if you weren't here I'd have to lead and then where would we be?"

"I'm sure you'd be a fine leader," Aeducan assured, though her lips turned up at the edges in mirth at the thought of him in command. Jokes for his subordinates would be the norm, and cheese all around... effective, but amusing nonetheless. Shifting, the dwarf considered her fellow Warden and decided to ask, "So, what is it with you and Morrigan?"

The former Templar-in-training sighed. "Honestly? I'm not sure why, but she rubs me the wrong way. It might be old prejudices from my time in the Chantry, but to me she feels... off."

"Off?"

"Blood magic."

"You've lost me, Alistair."

"You know the demons in the tower? That was blood magic."

Kasha laughed. "I don't think Morrigan is turning into an abomination any time soon," she assured.

"But..."

"But," Kasha added as she held a hand up to stop his protest, "you know better than I in these matters. If you say it's a threat I will trust you."

After a pause brought on by shock he simply asked, "Why?"

Kasha wished she had an answer for him.


	7. Lampposts

Alistair was looking directly in Kasha's eyes when she sprung the question on him. He almost panicked at the very implication in the low tone of her voice as well, because there was no doubting her meaning or sincerity when she simply asked.

"Has anyone ever told you how handshake me you are?" She said it with just a hint of amused suggestion in her voice, as though she desperately wanted him to know her mind.

"Not unless they were asking me for a favor," he answered honestly. Then he amended, "Well, there was that one time in Denerim, but those women were..." He chuckled a little internally at the memory of the women who had tried to adopt him at the Pearl, calling him precious and adorably handsome. He wasn't about to say he'd only been complemented by those who sold themselves however; it sounded like they had done so in an attempt to make a client of him. In the end he settled for, "...not like you." The reality caught up as he asked, "Why? Is this your way of telling me you think I'm handsome?"

The dwarf's eyes absolutely twinkled with mischief. They were always a brilliant blue, very near the color of lyrium once made into a tonic, but at times like this he had noted an extra sparkle in their depths. "And if it is? What then?"

Somehow the conversation progressed. The blonde Warden was embarrassed to admit he had no real recollection of what he said until the most ridiculous double entendre ever slipped from his lips. "...lick a lamppost in winter." Who'd heard of such a stupid...

Yet there she was, simply smiling at him in return. It was the same grin she had when she found a strange rune and shared it with him, or some other gift she thought he might like. Or when she was about to win a game of checkers with the set they had slowly created using flat rocks and a board created from spare cloth paper. And all Alistair could do was fall further in...

Oh no.

When he was able to extricate himself from the conversation, Alistair was glad to see Kasha was fully occupied in talking with Leliana. The bard's stories fascinated the dwarf, and so enraptured by the tale Kasha didn't pay attention to the fact she was being closely watched. But Alistair did watch, seeing how she smiled and laughed, leaning in. Her hand came up, twining a piece of her jet-black hair around a single finger lazily. For as bad as it was, Kasha seemed able to compartmentalize the horrors they approached on a daily basis and let them be. Instead, she simply lived in each moment.

And Alistair did love her for it.

His mind slid to the rose in his pack that he had picked in Lothering. It made him think of her- flourishing in spite of the darkness, in ground that should never have made her. She wasn't anything like the person he would have imagined falling in love with, but then she was simply there and perfect for him, in spite of the childish wonder in her at times. Even that was set up to match him perfectly.

He cared for her. More than he should- more than wise in the middle of a Blight. But he would stand beside her, and maybe one day soon truly have the courage to tell her how he felt.


	8. Crow

"You are beautiful, mi amore," Zevran offered with a wink as he kissed Kasha's hand gently. Then the elf slipped into the woods that surrounded them in this lush land the Dalish had taken for a time. The Brecilian was beautiful to the Aeducan woman, so full of life- so GREEN.

Kasha actually started skipping, ignoring the grumbling behind her from Alistair.

Her fellow Warden's actions confounded the dwarf. At least a little they did. She had to giggle when she really thought about his reaction to the flirtatious assassin, however. It was endearing: she and Alistair had spoken briefly of the future, of rebuilding the Wardens together, and she still felt the ghost of his kiss from last time they were together at camp. Yet because the attractive white-haired elf clung on her, the other Warrior was jealous.

Kasha's attraction to Alistair was a living entity of its own. She had been with Gorim in Orzammar, and had thought he would one day keep her heart and hand both. Instead she found that the feelings she'd felt for her fellow dwarf were laughable; it didn't compare to what she was building with this blonde human warrior before her. Or behind her. Sulking.

"Cheer up, Alistair," Kasha soothed. "Look around you! The trees! The flowers! Have you ever seen so many!"

As Kasha was going on, a smile finally came to Alistair's face. He set his hand on her shoulder, walking that way for a few minutes before the elf returned. In Zevran's hand was a single yellow flower in full bloom, which he handed to Kasha with a flamboyant gesture. Alistair frowned again. Heavily.

"What is this one then?" Kasha asked as she took the flower in hand. The petals were soft to the touch, but along the stem were numerous sharp pieces that stuck her hand lightly.

"It's a rose, cara mia," Zevran explained. "A yellow rose to be precise."

Kasha put her nose to it. The scent was sweet, though it tickled her nose. "It's pretty."

"All roses are pretty," Zevran assured. "And a pretty girl is a rare rose indeed. Much like this pale version of the flower."

Kasha chuckled. "Pale. Yes, it does seem discolored. What should it look like?"

"Red, the color of passion."

Kasha rolled her eyes. "Of course." She smelled her new treasure again before pulling her pack forward and opening it to one of the books she had collected. She pressed the flower between a couple pages as she walked, a small smile on her face.

What Kasha did miss was Alistair's scowl as Zevran left them. At least until Kasha noted, "That was sweet. Hopefully I can see a proper one someday."

The male Warden's mind went to his pack, where a bright red rose waited in careful preservation between the pages of his old copy of the Chant. A smile quirked his face again, and he foraged ahead with Kasha with new purpose.

Soon. He would give it to her VERY soon. And no Antivan Crow was going to stop him professing his love for the dwarven woman who led them all with impossible, almost practiced ease.


	9. Rose

"Here look at this. Do you know what this is?"

Kasha approached carefully, looking at the red flower in Alistair's outstretched hand. It had obviously been pressed, but her fellow Warden had done well to fluff the silken petals back into the usual circular pattern. It had been small, just opening to show its face, when plucked. Kasha reached for it, the flower looking strangely familiar. When she took it and found her fingers pricked by a thorn, she jumped back in surprise.

"Is... this a trick question?" Kasha asked, her breath catching a bit as she handled the rose.

"Yes, absolutely. I'm trying to trick you." Alistair rolled his eyes lightly, and the dwarven woman couldn't help but let a thin smile cross her lips as he added, "Is it working?" Kasha marveled at the blossom a moment more, her fingers dancing between the thorns to feel the stem. She brought the flower to her nose and inhaled deeply before sticking her tongue out childishly. Kasha was hardly youthful; Alistair just brought out the wonder and playfulness in her. "I just about had you, didn't I?"

"Alistair, you're horrible."

"Nefarious even. Mwahaha."

"I hate to break it to you, but your laugh is all wrong. You'd never make it as an evil tyrant," Kasha noted. "Believe me, I've known my share. Though I am curious where you're going with this."

"I... picked it. In Lothering. I remember thinking 'how can something so beautiful exist in a place with so much darkness and despair?' I probably should have left it alone..."

Kasha touched the silky petals to her face, half listening to Alistair while she reveled in this sensation. She was glad he hadn't left the bloom to the ravages of their enemy. To her it was a rare and lovely thing to experience. When he had finished his tale, Kasha asked quietly, "What will you do with it now?"

"I thought I might give it to you, actually." And just like that, Kasha felt her heart hammer in her chest as though it was a forge. Anything else he said was lost to the sound of the thudding in her ears. She remembered thanking him several times, her eyes going between him and the flower in her hand. The color was a brilliant crimson, exactly as she had imagined. Kasha vaguely was aware that she thanked him, assured him that this magnificent offering was a more than adequate gift.

"If we could get past this awkward, embarrassing part and get right to the steamy bits, I'd appreciate it."

It penetrated mostly because Alistair was so demure and shy that such words in his voice startled her. It made her head throb, the hammering in her chest even harder. Her head raced, her cheeks flush with emotion. Yet she also knew this: even if it was fast, even if they had only known each other scant months (and those in perilous, frightening times), her heart reached for Alistair. She was unlikely to ever find another man who captured her the same way...

Kasha Aeducan had fallen badly for a human. Then again that was hardly the most unexpected thing that had happened lately.

"Armor off then. You first," she noted smugly.

Alistair just laughed nervously. "Bluff called. Saw right through me."

"Do you think maybe one day..." Kasha shrugged before she finished the sentence. "Never mind. Just... if you ever decide it isn't a bluff, let me know."

Alistair said something else, of that much Kasha was certain, but she never heard it as she skipped back to her tent with her rose in hand. She pressed a kiss to the soft petals before opening her large book. The red rose went one page before the yellow, a smile on her face. Alistair's heart was a carefully guarded thing; she had learned quickly that he was sweet, but slow to truly trust. This flower, this rose, was important to her. It let her know that Alistair cared. That he trusted her. It wasn't just a rose. It was his heart, and precious in a way Zevran's yellow bloom could never be.

Kasha took a deep breath, her heart finally steadying as she lay back in her bedroll and whispered a faint, "I love him."


	10. Stone

Dwarven politics were muddled and strange. Alistair knew he would never quite understand them. Even Leliana seemed mystified, and she was Orlesian! Not to mention the red-headed bard was also fascinated by the culture in general. Alistair had a single, albeit very good, reason to pay attention to the bloodthirsty grabs for power. It put even what he knew of the rise of King Meric to shame.

Kasha's inclusion in the game within the stone was the biggest shock. He had presumed Aeducan was a noble of some sort since leadership came easier to her, but the truth was not what he anticipated. As they stood in the back of the room full of dwarven dignitaries, he set a hand on her shoulder. Kasha's eyes were narrow, but the small bit that was exposed showed her pain and frustration. And no wonder. She had just crowned the man who had tried to have her killed, who for all intents and purposes had succeeded in doing so.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Alistair offered gently.

"Not really," Aeducan admitted, "but I also feel like I have to. Weird, isn't it?"

Alistair nodded slowly. "So. You were what then- a princess?"

"Nothing so grand," she chuckled darkly. "Just a warrior. A rather good one, which made me a threat. He... he killed our brother, and I took the fall."

"I'm sorry."

Kasha just shrugged. "It was well orchestrated. I only wish he'd told me. I probably would have helped."

Alistair's eyebrows raised. "Helped?"

"Politics below the soil are a bit more... dangerous than you may be used to," Kasha explained. "I never liked the other brother. If it had been him alive, I doubt I'd have given him the titles."

"I don't have the head for this."

Kasha chuckled. "You'd make a horrible dwarven nobleman. Wouldn't last past coming of age. But on the surface you can see the knives coming. Well- usually." She shook her head. "Loghain was a surprise."

"I suppose so." Alistair looked, seeing where the shorter woman leaned against the wall. As they spoke her arms had raised in relaxation, clasped behind her head as she watched the goings-on.

"Besides, I can forgive my brother. If he hadn't had me cast out I would have never joined the Wardens, or even seen the surface." She craned her neck up to meet Alistair's eyes and added, "I wouldn't have met you."

Alistair knew his face was flush at her comment but didn't care. He found he had a strong desire to kiss her, even now and in full view of others. Then he realized there was no reason not to; they'd kissed several times, and each was better. Then the realization came even stronger that he should kiss her here, prove to her brother what he had done. As the idea crossed his mind, Alistair found himself acting. He leaned down, pressing his lips to Kasha's, and let it deepen swiftly. She stalled for a brief second before her body relaxed, her hands sliding around Alistair's neck with a purpose.

When they separated, Alistair saw Kasha let her gaze pass from him to her brother, a smirk painting her face. Alistair followed her eyes and just barely smothered a laugh. It wasn't just Kasha's brother; all the nobles were glaring in disapproving shock. Alistair realized the dilemma immediately: they couldn't reprimand her, since they no longer called her one of their own, but she was basically a dwarf kissing a human in the middle of their hall. A dwarf, from all he had heard and seen here, that was well respected and part of their upper class. It was a travesty. And there was nothing they could do about it.

"Shall we do that again?" Alistair whispered just barely loud enough for her to hear.

"I don't think it's kind to make my brother's head explode," she responded with a light chuckle in about the same tone.

"Love you." As soon as he said it Alistair felt stupid. It was a horrid impulse, a bad thing to say, and he should have said anything else...

"Know what? I love you, too."

And the world exploded.


	11. Truth

After finding out Kasha Aeducan was actually from Orzammar's ruling class, Alistair was understandably tense. Kasha saw his shifting and couldn't quite ignore the discomfort that radiated from him as they trekked across to their next- and hopefully last- needed location. Not to say that he kept his distance, not really; he just seemed a little less talkative, less open than he had been before the revelation.

Aeducan was certain it was her. She had to make it right.

"Alistair? I... do you have a moment?" Kasha asked as they made camp one night, her mind racing a bit.

"For you? I have all the time that you could desire."

Kasha grinned in response, gesturing down to a spot by the tree line where they could be alone. Her hands stayed concealed behind her back, clasped around something she hoped would be appreciated.

"I had been hoping I could give you something that is important to me," the dwarf explained carefully, looking up into his eyes. "To show you how much you mean to me. I know you appreciated getting something of Duncan... but..." She drew her hands out. The shield she offered was definitely higher quality than Duncan's had been, sturdier even where it was slightly smaller. He took it in hand, inspecting, and Kasha shut her eyes as she wondered what he saw in this gift.

She didn't have to wait long. His breath shuddered and her eyes opened to see him tracing the credit on the front. "This is your family's heraldry, isn't it?" Alistair asked, his voice oddly awestruck.

"It is." Kasha shifted her weight from one foot to the other, suddenly discomforted.

"I... Thank you. This may be the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me."

Kasha could only smile, but Alistair had other plans. He bent to kiss her, his fingers grasping in her hair, and the world seemed perfectly at ease.

At least, that is to say, until he took her aside before entering Redcliffe and explained that he was the King's bastard. Then she saw his actions in a whole new light, the bumbling taking on a new meaning. Kasha longed to just hold him, to tell him it was alright. Only it wasn't. Not... really.

Kasha wouldn't have told anyone, but she had been looking for illegitimate children for one of the two rulers. Cailan would have been preferable, certainly, but Maric's son was almost as good. Her mind raced as the true implications hit. Hard. When her love walked away, she watched with more assessment than she dared express.

Maric's son. It should have been obvious. He should have TOLD her, by the stone! He could have trusted her...

Only he couldn't, could he? His precise fears were that somebody would latch on, would use it to put him in a position to be part of the political game, and that is exactly what Kasha was doing! Then again, it wasn't just because the job was his by rights; it was because he was Alistair, kind and noble in ways the current ruling class would never comprehend. He would be a good King. Maybe the best in a long while.

Kasha Aeducan knew what she had to do. Even if she was loathe to do it. Her only hope was that, when she did, Alistair would forgive her.


	12. Omission

'You're quite taken with each other, aren't you?'

For a conversation that started with such a kind, almost sweet phrase, Kasha left her discussion with Wynne with a head full of fear. The words spun the dwarf around, and she felt in a panic as she headed to take first watch for the night. There, alone with her thoughts, Kasha fought the discomfort welling up within her.

'There is great potential for tragedy here,' Wynne had asserted. The dwarf couldn't deny it. Her heart was clenching, telling her to stop now. She wanted nothing more than to take Alistair and run away from everything in front of them. For once in her life, Kasha wished duty would just disappear. It was selfish- but she wanted, desperately, something for herself. Just this one time...

Briefly, Kasha entertained the idea of heading to Orlais and gathering the Wardens there. Afterwards she and Alistair could hide in the rank and file, spending them days together.

'Love is ultimately selfish,' Wynne had told her. 'Given the choice between saving your love and saving everyone else...'

There wasn't a contest. There was no choice. Kasha had been brought up to do her duty, to recognize what was necessary and complete the task by any means available. The Taint was a weapon, and so was she. Nothing else. Not anymore.

That was what Alistair had become as well.

"I'm sorry," Kasha whispered to the night sky. She felt so alone out here with the stars. Even as she had gotten over the fear of falling ever upwards, the vastness of it all still bore down from time to time. "I don't have the courage to let go."

If Kasha Aeducan was truly kind, she would have stopped the relationship right then. She knew what she was going to have to do, and was sure of what it meant. Alistair was born to rule, even if he didn't see it. His compassion would lead Fereldan better than what she had seen of Loghain, and he had more tactical sense than Cailan had shown in Kasha's time speaking with the bumbling King. He would require a slightly harder heart, and a large amount of training in courtly mannerisms, but those were niceties. No, Alistair as ruler was the only way. Which left Kasha with the unenviable task of breaking his heart.

Just... "Please. Not right now."

Kasha was selfish. She was willing to admit that. And it made it impossible to let Alistair go. At least for now. When she had to, Kasha knew she would be able to find the strength to do what was right. For his sake, she should do it now, before they got even closer; for her own, Kasha would remain silent. She didn't even tell him what she planned.

(And that is where it all went wrong)


	13. Trust

It was in the little village of Haven, coming down the staircase, that Kasha found herself presented with a real token from Zevran. It made her uncomfortable only in that she found herself perfectly comfortable with the gesture. Truthfully, she LIKED the assassin. Like Alistair, he always managed to make her smile and had an unerring sense of loyalty. Her frustration was in how little Alistair cared for the elf overall.

Generally, Alistair was good-natured, but he really didn't trust easily. The blonde Warden was aware of this lack. It didn't stop him from questioning the others. It was protectiveness, nothing more, or so he convinced himself when he approached Aeducan about their Antivan Crow later that night.

"You can't really trust him? Because of his vow?"

Kasha shook in barely concealed mirth. "Alistair, how... By the ancestors, are you JEALOUS?"

Alistair stuttered a brief second ms before taking a deep breath. "Doesn't stop the question from being relevant."

Kasha rolled her eyes at that, but remained quiet while he explained his worries. When he finished, the dwarf extended to the tips of her toes to give him a pleasant kiss. Her arms moved to wrap around his neck, and Alistair couldn't help but return the gesture. Locked like that, the fears diminished- he wasn't threatened by Zevran's advances anymore.

Kasha loved him. That would get them through anything.


	14. Golem

When they finally made it to Denerim, Kasha Aeducan was mildly surprised that it didn't feel like the lion's den. In Ogrimmar it was difficult if not impossible to hide, especially if you were disgraced. On the surface the limitations were removed and she found her group able to blend in to the crowd. There was much to be done in the city in the weeks before the Landsmeet, so the anonymity was reassuring. It also gave her and Alistair a chance to make a name for the Wardens as they worked to do what good they could. Word spread slowly of the beneficial deeds they were accomplishing, starting to remake their honor after after Loghain dragged it thought the mud.

It was just after the first week that she went into the shop, Wonders of Thedas. Alistair looked around like a child, inspecting the tables wide-eyed same as the next little boy. Kasha looked over the items with a very gentle wonder herself. Most were items she hadn't seen before, each more fantastical than the last. On the other hand, as a dwarf there was little she would have recognized anyway.

Alistair was quiet enough that Kasha almost didn't hear him. When she did, her attention was brought to the item he was looking at...

The toy was ridiculous. It was poorly made as if by some child's hand- and that kid had obviously never seen an actual golem in their life. The head was stitched on sideways, lopsided and floppy, and the expression was completely haphazard in a loopy smile. It was actually hideous and maybe even a little insulting to her dwarven nature...

And from Alistair's expression, Kasha knew he loved it.

"Shale would be completely put off by that monstrosity," Aeducan pointed out to her fellow warrior.

"I..." He paused and frowned. "You're right."

Kasha stretched a bit, her arms cracking with relief. Then she moved to reach for the item, quickly snatching it off the table and handing over the cash for it. She didn't even try to hide her purchase from the other Warden as she slid it in her pouch. "I think I'll keep it," she teased. "For a laugh."

Alistair smiled at her antics as they left the shop, heading into the heart of the city to go about their business of extinguishing the greater evils from Denerim. Bandits were the most common, usually thugs though a few of Loghain's flunked were inserted into the mix. At the end of the day it was a very tired group that headed back to their nearby camp and curled around the fire. Leliana had stayed back, and her cooking was delightful. Along with a few loaves of bread Wynne had picked up in the city it was a wonderful meal, shared with friends.

Afterward, Kasha watched as the others headed to their tents for the evening except for Alistair, since he had first watch. When the others had dissipated, the dwarf approached her love and sighed lightly.

"Kasha, I..." The words were interrupted by her placing the small toy in his hands. "What's this about?"

"You mentioned this reminded you of your childhood," Kasha noted. "At least some of the happier times. Everyone should remember the good bits of the past."

Alistair nodded in thanks as he sat at the edge of camp, preparing for his watch rotation. Kasha took the opportunity to kiss his cheek lightly, moving her mouth to his ear with a gentle whisper of, "Until tomorrow, Alistair."

"I... ah... yes. Tomorrow."

Kasha whistled on the way back to her tent for some much-needed sleep. Most of the time she was exhausted at night, wishing there were just a few more hours to rest before the daylight. The sun took some getting used to, and it hurt her eyes with its very first rays, leaving the dwarf little choice but to awaken early, so the first break of daylight was a bane. Yet for once she was looking forward to the dawn, when she could see Alistair again with fresher eyes. Suddenly sunrise couldn't come quick enough.


	15. Confession

It was as though Kasha was reaching for something every minute they spent together, and Alistair could feel it. It was the reason he finally chose to consummate their love; even if she originally seemed unsure, the way she clung to him spoke volumes. She was afraid of something, trembling at his promises of love, and unwilling to let go. She had a desperate need of him, one he was all too willing to fulfill. Truthfully, Alistair wasn't keen on releasing her either.

"Does it bother you?" he finally asked one night. "The stresses I mean. We've had to do a lot in a real short time I know. Is it... well, of course it's a problem, but..."

Kasha stiffened in his arms. "I've been trying to convince myself to ignore duty and honor," she admitted. "I could leave with you, run away from all this, and we would be happy."

"No you wouldn't." The comment came out before Alistair could stop it, his mouth faster than his brain. Kasha met his eyes, questioning but not (apparently) upset. "Sometimes you just happen to be born to do a particular thing, love. To lead, to fight. This is ours. If we were to leave, not only would it put Fereldan in danger, we'd both always wonder what difference we could have made."

The dwarf opened her mouth to speak, but immediately shut it again. "Ancestors but you're right," she muttered, curling herself into Alistair. He held her a second as she sighed and nuzzled in deeper.

"One night won't hurt, though," he promised his love.

"One more night," he heard her whisper. Alistair held tightly to her as the small form quaked. It didn't matter why she needed his support; she did, and that was enough to gain it.


	16. Decisions

It may have been simply how trying the day was, or the fact that time was catching up on her plan, but Kasha hated Anora from the minute she laid eyes on the noblewoman. It soured her quickly, but the dwarf had dealt with far worse in her time. She went to her room the night before the Landsmeet with a very full head, thinking over the options in a flurry. She was still, trying to quiet herself enough to sleep, when her door owned to admit Alistair. The Warden raised her head and forced a calm smile for her love as he sat down beside her on the bed.

"Copper for your thoughts, dear?"

Kasha leaned back. "I think I hate the so-called queen."

"Anora? She's not so bad."

"She's curt."

"So were you."

"I don't trust her," Aeducan added.

"Can you trust anyone?"

Kasha frowned as she looked towards Alistair. Realization kicked in. "You like her," she sighed. "By the stone, Al! You like Anora."

The warrior stuttered for a moment, blushing. Then he laughed with Kasha, an arm around her shoulder as they turned to face each other.

One more night. Truly. Only one. There was no way around it now.

Kasha had a nervousness to her humor for once, trying to rein the fear in her as the last of her plan fell into place. Because while she would be a warrior of renown, respected, she still had no political respectability. There was no reason, no way, to gain the kind of backing necessary to rule alongside Alistair as his queen. He would need a wife, someone to have his heirs and give him assistance. Kasha Aeducan could not do that. She had feared it would mean leaving him alone to find a match, or beside someone with whom he could never be happy.

But Al liked Anora, and his smile towards her was genuine. It wasn't love. But it was enough. He would be Fereldan's heart, and she would be able to advise him. It was well-matched. Even if it broke Kasha's heart to do it.

Tonight she was in his arms.

Tomorrow she would give him to someone else.


	17. Aftermath

The ones who relate the Wardens' tale in the future would ignore the argument they had that night, when the Landsmeet was over and Alistair declared King. They would try to ignore the questions asked of them about how the duo had reacted to being parted, how Alistair felt about the announcement. If it could not be ignored, it was said she went to him and they talked in a relative calm and had a mutual agreement to part.

The truth was much more painful than that.

Kasha had retreated to her room, Morrigan's offer reeling in her mind beside the thought of asking more of Alistair when he pounded on the door. She could hear in his voice that he had been drinking, probably while complaining to Teagan. She choked back a sobbing laugh that wanted desperately to escape and schooled her features to the solid, stoic warrior before opening the door.

"You unimaginable..." Alistair hiccuped angrily, rage glowing in his eyes. "Is he here? Did you marry me off so you could have your elven toy of a wh..."

"Hold your tongue, your majesty," Kasha warned. "I know my place. Do you?"

"Know what? My place? I thought I did! I thought it was at your side!" Tears welling up in those amber eyes, Alistair took another step forward. "I THOUGHT that you loved me."

"Alistair..." Kasha stepped up, moving to stand at tip-toe and reach to his face, but the newly crowned monarch grabbed her hand and flung it away, causing Kasha to topple. She caught herself, suddenly in front of him on a single knee with her head lowered.

"You don't touch me." Alistair was shaking, his breath harsh as his words. "And you never ask another thing from me again. Are we clear?"

Kasha bit her lip and took a ragged, shuddering breath. This, then, was how it ended between them. This was the last act of their play, of their passion. The final ending of their love. It was always doomed to end in fire.

"Yes, your highness," was Kasha's last word on the matter. She managed to hold back the tears, the tatters of her emotion, even as she heard him step away for the final time. Before the door shut she heard the sound of something being flung, then shattering on the floor before her as the door slammed shut once more. Kasha couldn't bear to open her eyes and look, her mind already knowing what had happened.

When courage finally caught up with her, Kasha saw the remains of his mother's necklace laying in front of her, once more in pieces. She picked them up, neither noticing not caring that the jagged edges cut her hands and caused blood to speckle. If anything the pain made her more focused, gave her a better outlet for the tears to flow down her cheeks. Unsteadily, Kasha drew herself up to the bed, an overstuffed human-sized thing she felt superbly bitter about suddenly. But the pillow was soft, and she was able to hide her face and filter her tears into the cushion.

Alistair had asked one thing of her, Kasha realized. It was an important one, a big one, but she was willing to deny him nothing anymore. Her will to go against him was spent. One more duty, one last act of love, was all Kasha had to offer the king anyway. And so what if her soul was destroyed in the process? She was dwarven-kind; they went to the stone, and Kasha Aeducan would never be accepted by the stone anyway. Her spirit would be lost no matter what- best to make it count. Maybe it would be like dreaming, or sleeping. It almost sounded pleasant at that.

Kasha couldn't ask more of Alistair. Morrigan would have to be disappointed, her plan unhatched. Instead, Kasha took a deep breath and did what she could to steady her mind again- the tears had already stopped abruptly when she realized what came next.

Kasha Aeducan was afraid of love. But she was not afraid to die for it.

The next morning, the day of the battle, Alistair thought to apologize. He meant to hold her close one more time now that the realities of the previous night had caught up with him. When he opened her door to speak however the dwarven warrior was no longer there; instead, the bed was made and on the top was a single note and his pendant once again made whole, albeit now with a second, larger crack going parallel. He moved to the vacant room quietly, his hand just brushing the pendant before he caught the scent of rose on the pillow.

Newly resolved, Alistair shut the door and left in a hurry.


	18. Sacrifice

Know where you thought this was going? 180!

\- * ^ 00

There are some words you can never take back. There are also moments trapped in time, that will play out over and over again. Some of these are a balm in the hardest moments- some are the worst nightmares come true. Either way, it's something that you have to live with.

'Maker's breath, you are beautiful.'

'Definitely not a mage then.'

'Have you ever licked a lamppost in winter?'

And now the worst of them all.

"That's not the only reason and you know it." Kasha caught herself, not willing to cry. Alistair would interpret any weakness as uncertainty. She hadn't expected this, this one last argument, and while it wasn't their harshest it was also the most important by far.

"You're right. I know how I feel about you." Kasha felt her heart stick in her throat. After everything, after she had essentially betrayed him, Alistair still loved her. "I won't let you die," he protested. "Not when I can do something about it."

It had been a mistake waiting for Alistair. She should have left him with the ground forces and brought Oghren instead, but she had been unable to ignore her heart's need. She should have left Alistair to his subjects. And yet she couldn't. That miscalculation was her undoing. This was supposed to be her last moment. She didn't have anything left... Alistair was a king, had a duty, but he was willing to give it up. For her. It would have been better to leave him behind.

"No." Kasha Aeducan cried out, finally giving in to the despair. One last chance to save him, to convince him to leave her to this end. "I won't let you die either, Alistair!"

"You say that as if I'm giving you a choice."

That was when Kasha sensed her greatest nightmare coming true. She reached out, trying to brush his hand but missing him. The line echoed in her head...

'You say that as if I'm giving you a choice.'

He was right. There was no choice here. Alistair took the initiative and refused to let her die, leaving his sword the one to slay the archdemon, his hand to strike the killing blow. Kasha fell to her knees, shouting and letting the tears flow, as the golden light encompassed the rooftop. She wanted to rise and run, but she couldn't. Even if her emotions didn't fail her, her body had done so, and she found herself unable to rise. When the cascade was over she exhaled softly and shut her eyes.

Maybe if she ignored it this would all just go away."Warden! Kasha!"

Wynne's voice came across distant and wavering. Kasha couldn't bring herself to respond. She let the darkness encroaching around her vision take over, hoping maybe this was all a trick of the Fade or the stone. She was disappointed hours later when she awoke, body aching horribly and mind very much aware of what had transpired. Oddly enough, her hand was held tightly, though turning her head to see the company was a chore.

It was Zevran, she finally noted. The other hand held a book of Antivan poetry (likely romance, knowing his tastes). She squeezed lightly to let him know she was there, greeted by a wide grin in return.

"Mi amor! I am glad to see you... not well, maybe, but better?" He seemed so hopeful, yet also wary.

"I'm not sure," Kasha admitted.

"It will take time, Warden. But all wounds do heal."

"Not all, Zev," Kasha whispered.

Zevran shook his head. "The deepest wound can still be salvaged. All you have to do is press forward."

"And if I don't want to go forward?" she asked quietly.

Which is when the "former" Crow's eyebrows lifted, the book snapping shut as he sealed her compliance with a single phrase. "You say that as if I'm giving you a choice."


	19. Bittersweet

Too many people thought that giving Aeducan command of the Grey Wardens would help her recovery. It may have given her something to occupy her mind, but it was definitely anything but good for the dwarf. She was a woman with a death wish that just happened to know better and had made a promise to try foraging ahead. Her months in Amaranthine proved Kasha Aeducan was still something of a shell of her former self, albeit headed towards recovery.

When Amaranthine was saved, Vigil's Keep was in ruins, and she was recalled to Denerim. After a sharp, curt account of events to her Majesty, Kasha spun on her heel to leave the throne and headed to her appointments.

"Commander," Nathanoel greeted, though through gritted teeth. "You..."

"Not now, Howe," Kasha demanded, cutting off further discourse without paying attention to his expression. She just hurried up the stairs to her own quarters, immediately shrugging off the Warden armor with a long-suffering sigh.

"If you were a target," a distinctly familiar voice trilled with the same soothing Antivan accent as ever, "you would be dead by now."

Kasha smiled. It may have been the first time in months. "Then I'm glad to have people such as you in the shadows watching my back."

"Protecting your rear is both a privilege and an honor, mi amor. It is a lovely one." Kasha turned to the origin of the sound, glad to see Zevran approach her. "I may have given one of your men a scare," he admitted.

"Howe." Kasha scowled. "He scared easily. It's good to see you, Zev."

"I have missed you, my Warden." The elf came up, folding the dwarf in a hug. "You look better. How do you feel?"

Kasha shrugged. Between the Architect and the fall of her Keep... "Numb," she admitted. Then, quieter, "Alone."

Zevran tightened his hold. "Not anymore." He gestured to the bed, where a simple set of clothing was waiting for her along with a more weathered and innocuous set of armor. "We're leaving."

"I can't abandon..."

"Yes you can." Zevran ha a twinkle in his eye. "I have business in the Free Marches. From there we can head north and west. Keep going, see where the path decides to lead."

It sounded wonderful. And yet... "Zev, I..."

"Deserve something for yourself."

Kasha made her mind up. An hour later, the Commander of the Grey and her best friend had disappeared, leaving only a note to explain that Nathaniel Howe was in charge of Amaranthine. It would be a very long time before the duo was heard from again.

And that is a different story all-together.


End file.
